


4x06 reaction ficlet

by dizzy



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 20:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't even get a name. I just needed to write something to make myself feel better. Spoilers for Glee season 4, episode 6.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4x06 reaction ficlet

It takes less time than Kurt would have anticipated for the anger to fade. 

He hates it. He wants the anger back. He wants righteous indignation, he wants to feel like the one that’s been wronged. He wants to paint Blaine as the bad guy and know that he’s walked away from the situation with his pride damaged but his hands clean. 

He can’t, though. Because Kurt knows he did things wrong. 

Seeing Blaine sort of drove it home, but he’d still been too overwhelmed with his own emotions to look beyond them. 

Standing in the kitchen of the Hudson-Hummel house and hearing Finn talk about Blaine’s breakdown during his audition is another nudge toward clarity. Finn’s halting guilt and questions about if maybe he should have gone after Blaine bristle on more levels than one. He wants to both congratulate Finn for his loyalty to Kurt, because like it or not somehow this dumb oaf has become part of the support system that Kurt treasures, and he wants to berate Finn for not going after Blaine. 

Someone needed to. Blaine needed someone to, and no one else knew that because Kurt is the only person that’s heard those whispered secrets and felt those tears wet and messy on his skin. The wave of empathy that sweeps through him is enough to make him want to choke. For just a moment he stops hurting for himself and hurts for Blaine instead. 

“You okay there, man?” Finn asks, frowning. 

Kurt realizes that he’s crying. He shakes his head and wraps his arms around himself. 

Finn frowns. Break-ups suck and he’s pretty much never felt worse in his life than when he had to stand in front of Rachel and realize she was moving on, but he doesn’t think he’s ever been as bad off as Kurt looks right now... and he’s had a couple months to adjust, too. 

Finn claps a hand onto his shoulder and squeezes. “I’m gonna go get Burt, okay, dude? You look like you need a dad hug.” 

* 

Kurt does need a dad hug. 

He also needs a dad talk. There’s so much he hasn’t said to anyone, even Rachel, and he finds himself spilling every tucked away and buried detail to his father. 

Burt listens with patience, one arm around Kurt’s shoulders, hauling him in with a squeeze once in a while when Kurt can’t go on. Kurt feels so young like this, except that right now he knows that his dad can’t solve anything. This isn’t about going to someone to have his problems fixed; this is just about getting the weight off of him. 

* 

It’s late when he slips out of the house. His head still hurts from all the crying and he’s pretty sure that he hasn’t looked worse in years, which is saying a lot since he spent every non-working hour the first week after Blaine confessed his crimes in nothing but a t-shirt and sweatpants. 

He parks down the street from Blaine’s house and walks. He waits until he’s right outside the front door to text Blaine telling him to come outside. 

He’s not sure what he’ll do if Blaine doesn’t answer. He’s not sure how long he’ll wait. It’s just below freezing outside and he’s already shivering inside the hoodie he’d snatched off of the coat rack by the door. It’s Finn’s hoodie, smelling offensively of too-cheap cologne. 

The front door opens and Blaine steps outside. “K-Kurt? Is that... I don’t... what are you doing here?” 

For a moment Kurt almost crumbles into tears again at just the sight of Blaine with his hair gel-free, with a t-shirt and no socks on, wearing those pajama pants that Kurt always teased him for. He swallows hard against the idea that someone else outside of his family has seen Blaine like this now, the Blaine underneath the perfectly put together persona. 

He draws a bitter cold breath and stands up straighter. “Can we go inside?” 

Blaine glances behind him. “We have to go to my room. My parents are asleep, but if they woke up...” 

He doesn’t have to explain. Kurt knows all about Blaine’s parents. He nods and then follows Blaine upstairs. 

“Kurt, what are you doing here?” Blaine sounds so painfully hopeful and Kurt can’t stand it.

He could turn around and walk away. He could tell Blaine he still can’t do this, that he was over-estimating himself. He could get back on a plane and block Blaine’s number and remove him from facebook. 

He could say goodbye. 

He’d probably live. He’d hurt, and cry, but he’d live. He has people; a brother that calls him every couple of days for no reason besides just to talk, a father that offers criticism and advice in the same breath as praise and reassurance, a best friend that is there with him every step of the way, a job and a career to distract him when nothing else can. 

He could leave Blaine behind and tell himself that it was because of mistakes Blaine made, but they both deserve better than that. 

He looks down, then back up and meets Blaine’s eyes full on. “I’m ready to listen.”

* 

The sun is almost rising when Kurt leaves again. 

Blaine is asleep, talked out and cried out a couple hours before. Kurt hadn’t quite managed to find any rest on that bed, so he’d just watched Blaine, memorizing the face that on some level will never stop making his insides flutter in that schoolboy way.

Kurt feels numb with an overload of information and emotion and a lack of sleep. The idea of a dreamless, twelve hour Ambien coma has so much appeal but he told his dad they’d spend the day together. 

He won’t see Blaine again this trip. He can’t; it all feels fresh and too-raw again.

He remembers Blaine asking if they were over for good. Kurt’s ‘I don’t know’ hadn’t been enough to satisfy either of them, and in the moment it had been the truth. 

Listening to Blaine didn’t solve any of Kurt’s problems. It probably didn’t solve any of Blaine’s, either, except maybe to help draw him back from that terrifying edge he’d been right on. 

He picks up his phone once he’s in his dad’s borrowed car, waiting for the heat to kick on. He scrolls through all the messages from Blaine that he hadn’t replied to before and then opens the screen to compose his own. 

**I don’t know where we’re at now. I still have to learn to trust you again. I can’t tell you when we’ll be okay or even if we will. I still need time. Give me a week, then we’ll talk. xo Kurt**


End file.
